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| Depends on my mood... |
It’s the question every brown-skinned American dreads to be asked because, well, the answer is so obvious to us.
Our coffee skin with varying degrees of added cream leaves most folks unable to label us.
Our un-identifiable hair texture leads to mislabeling and relabeling. It is not until we open our mouth do most of us give away our ethnic identity, but even then, a good speech coach can erase audible signifiers.
The inability to label us means you’re unsure if you could be the victim of a petty theft or act of terrorism by that brown-skinned youth with white earbuds and a look of defiance sitting on the back of the bus.
That uncertainty means you’ll speak in general terms when you discuss current events, fearful of offending someone if you bring up the earthquake/tsunami, lest they suspect you think they’re Japanese, when they’re actually Philippino.
How can you tell where someone is from even if you identify the part of the world they are from? Could you tell someone from Egypt apart from someone from Libya? Or tell someone from Holland apart from someone from Belgium?
It’s impossible to tell anyone apart these days, and segregationists of the past warned us it would happen; we are all starting to look alike. So don’t feel guilty because you can’t tell where someone is from. We know it’s hard. We have the same problem amongst each other.
It is the question within the title of this post that I take issue with. The first line of the post explains why; the answer to that question is painfully obvious. If you want to know where I am from, where my parents are from, my ethnic heritage, or anything else about my ancestry that lead me to come out looking as I do, then ask that, but do so with caution and poise. Put some thought into your question first.
When you blurt that question as a side note, or as a prompt for a potentially offensive anecdote, you appear as if you don’t care about the unique and precise combination of historical events that lead to our existence. Our cultural combination cannot complete a composite of our character in your consciousness, or at least it shouldn’t. Judge us how we judge you, by the way you act and treat others.
Why are you curious about our ancestry, to fill in a stereotype? Or are you just curious? Your curiosity makes us suspicious. We’ve all been labeled before, and we tend to label ourselves. But we wonder if those labels are what everyone else also sees.
Lots of people get it wrong; I’ve been asked if I was Egyptian, Puerto Rican, African, Native American, and many other nationalities.
But to the question, “What are you?” I only offer one response, one word: human.
Touché
Personally I've started to assume that most people ask out of pure curiosity.
I have light colored eyes, light brown skin, and crazy curly hair. When I went to Spain they thought I was Brazilian. When I go to school they think I'm Puerto Rican. When I'm in London they scratch their heads...
It's fun to keep 'em guessing...
The fact is us humans identify with numerous characteristics and nationalities, all of which carry little importance to an open-minded individual. :)
My 6 month old daughter has a Colombian (born in America) mother and a father from South Africa with Greek and English parents.
I expect that she will go through what I did when I was younger and people asked "what are you" (in South Africa usually meaning which European land did you come from).
Good blog so far, I look forward to reading more.
What needs to happen so that question isn't "dreaded" by the brown skinned community?
Gratz on the blog!
Dan: Did you read the blog?
Yes, I did read your blog. It feels like you're saying it's offensive to ask any racial questions. I was just wandering what people could do to change that. Or is the only option don't ask don't tell?
Your not Puerto Rican? No, I'm kidding. My kids go through the same thing so we explained to my 5 year old, when he asked, that he is both races and doesn't have to choose. I told him "you can be whatever you want buddy." My goal is for him to define his self and not to feel the need to have to check a box.
To my dear friend Dan (I felt like I should let people know that you and I are friends, and that I kid because I love; my initial comment was kind of rude in retrospect),
I encourage dialog about race. And honestly, I don't get especially offended by that specific question. I understand the context of the inquiry, and I'd rather talk about race awkwardly than dance around talking about it when it's relevant. But, the question is one that should be taken a little more seriously, and should be more about history and ancestry than about race.
All race really measures is how many generations removed one is from Africa or Europe. I think a more accurate inquiry would be about someone's ancestry, not necessarily their race. It would be more interesting also.
But what seems arbitrary and feels humiliating is when people seem to collect people's race cards through conversation, and especially so when there is no familiarity. I don't walk into someone's house and expect a breakdown of their family tree, it's just rude to ask without some sort of appropriate context. When you ask someone about their race, you are potentially asking for a summary of their family history. Not everyone likes to share their family history so openly.
But, to answer your question, how can we change this: A bit more thought and precision put into asking someone about their ancestry, and providing a little context behind the inquiry always helps. Asking your friend, it should be less difficult to discuss. Asking a stranger requires more tact, which is not to say you shouldn't. Ask away, just tell em why you're asking.
You're right, with the right context any subject becomes easier to discuss. I guess when it comes to race (and probably most things) everyone has a different comfort level for asking and answering about the subject. Some people take pride in where they come from and hang that nation's flag, wear its sports jersey, or whatever. Other people just don't care for whatever reason. I don't know if not caring is a bad thing or not, it's probably not beneficial though. And of course most people are somewhere in between. Anyways, without knowing a person's comfort level it would only be appropriate to frame any questions appropriately.
Dan, exactly sir.
And I'll be putting up a post addressing that very issue: whether or not it would be beneficial to ignore race altogether. Stay tuned.